To: Our Children in Ocean City From: Your Parents not in Ocean City Subject: Senior Week Hi, (your child's name). It's Tuesday, and we're just checking in. Haven't heard from you today. But you're probably enjoying Ocean City with the other 15,000 high school seniors this week. You're probably collecting shells or building castles in the sand and just forgot to call. That's OK. It's not like we're thinking the worst -- it's just that we have trouble thinking the best. Us -- worried? Give us some credit. We weren't born yesterday. We were born about 50 years ago. It's not like we think you are hunched over in a tattoo parlor, as the kindly and highly qualified tattoo artist puts the finishing touches on your exquisite "Bloody Split Skull" tattoo (what a vibrant red!). It's not like we think you are on your hotel balcony screaming anti-Redskins slogans at passing cars and wearing nothing but your Crocs. We trust you, we told you. We trust them, we told ourselves. But as concerned yet very cool parents, we still searched the nether regions of the Internet for safety tips for seniors this week in O.C. Apparently, every ordinance ever ordained in the town's history will be enforced. Kids, if you are reading this -- and what high school graduates don't read the paper?! -- please know you could be scolded, fined, jailed or placed in stockades for the following infractions: Public alcohol consumption. (Remember, the legal drinking age is 21.) Carrying open containers of alcohol. Uttering the word "alcohol" in public. Fake IDs. (No, in fact, you look nothing like your older and hairier brother Nick.) Unregistered hotel guests. (Cramming 28 people in a beach house fit for six -- although festive -- could attract security.) Loud noises. Loud music. Loud breathing. Sleeping on the beach, on the street or in city parks. Skateboarding on public property. Skateboarding on public property while carrying a fake ID and an open container of alcohol, and making really loud noises. Jaywalking. Fake jaywalking. And we're pretty sure setting bonfires in your parents' car is illegal -- or should be. Speaking of the car, we like our car. It's been in the family 10 years. It's a good little car, a friendly car. Please don't hurt the family car we lent you to take to Ocean City. We even checked the air pressure on the tires -- those rubber inflatable thingies in the shape of what us old-timers call a "wheel." Ocean City offers free bus service during Senior Week. Take the bus. Love the bus. And you've heard this a million times: Don't drink and drive. This week, the public service announcement has been amended to read, in part: Don't even think about drinking and driving or letting a friend or complete idiot stranger drink then drive you anywhere no matter what the friend or complete idiot stranger says because your safety is more important than any family car and more important than our own lives. When you call today, we won't lay on you the amended public service announcement -- catchy and stirring as it may be. We just want you to tell us you're OK. By the way, how's the ocean? You know, that expanse of water that runs along the coast? The nonland part? Maybe you've seen it this week. And how's the weather? You know, the state of the atmosphere in regard to heat, cloudiness, sunshine and rain? Any answer will do. If you have anything to share radically more exciting than the water or weather, maybe save those Senior Week stories for another time -- maybe 10 years from now. But do call home today. June 05, 2007|By Rob Hiaasen | Rob Hiaasen,Sun Reporter [email protected]